Finding Joy In Our Journey
Okay, I’ve been working on two separate blog posts, and I couldn’t decide which one to share first. My devotional yesterday evening was about joy! I love how God speaks to us!! I’ll share a little bit more from that further down!
A lot of people have said to me, “isn’t it frustrating when everyone around you is having babies.” (or something along those lines) I can’t even count the number of people who have said it, and it’s okay!! It just gives me the opportunity to explain my where I find my joy. I know a lot of people struggling with infertility struggle with jealousy and anger.
I am being incredibly honest when I say that I am not jealous, and it does not make me angry or frustrated!! I know it’s only because of God’s grace and mercy that I feel this way! He reminds me daily to count my blessings!! I know I couldn’t endure this whole process without my faith!! Well, I might be able to endure it but it wouldn’t be pretty! When I keep my mind focused on the good in my life, I don’t have time to fret about what’s going on around me!! I pray that He protects my heart and those feelings never creep in!!
I have to admit there is one aspect of my journey that I have struggled with a little bit…
I’m a baby nurse. I absolutely LOVE my job!! I do see a lot of drug babies and the impact the choices their moms have made has on them from day one. It’s gut wrenching. I am guilty of saying, “I don’t understand why they get to have babies. They don’t deserve them.” Believe me, there have been times that I have questioned God during all of this! This is one area where He has changed my heart (there are many). God brings those babies into the world for a reason. Maybe to change the lives of the mothers and fathers that conceive them? I don’t know, but I don’t have to know bc He does!! I have always prayed especially hard for those little ones. I pray that God uses them in a big way, for His glory!! They are born with a story and what a testimony they will have one day!! I pray they find joy in their journey no matter how difficult it is!
When I began this process, my sister made the comment, “you probably hate people like me that get pregnant on the first try.” Well, sometimes it doesn’t seem fair, but that’s her story and this is mine. Mine’s just a little bit more detailed and it’s gonna be a little bit longer!! I have come to realize that God is using our story in a big way! Way bigger than I ever expected, but that’s my Heavenly Father for ya!!
First, I told her to never say that again!! I told her, and many others over the past few months, that everyone who desires to have babies should be able to. I told her if she told me she was pregnant that day that I would be over the moon excited!! When she had Annie Clare, I felt like she gave birth to my baby!
This is Annie Clare, I will probably talk about her a lot!! Yes, she is that fabulous!
One of my best friends, Sumer, is due this month! She’s having a sweet baby boy, who has two precious big sisters. When February of this year came around, I had a strong feeling that she was pregnant and that it was a boy. When I called her with the news of my miscarriage, we talked for a long time. Towards the end of our conversation she said, “I feel so guilty telling you this, but…” I told her I knew she was pregnant and that I was ecstatic for them!! Sometimes I feel guilty for making others feel guilty!! That’s not how God wants us to feel!! He wants us to be thankful!
I am beyond blessed with lots of nieces and nephews!! They are one of my greatest joys!! I’m thankful I have so many great mommy’s to watch and learn from! I get to learn from their mistakes!! I am also happy about having lots of hand me downs! I have been blessed to be the kidless auntie for this long and spoil them all I want!! While I don’t get to see some of the nearly as much anymore, they’re all my babies and I love them like they’re my own!
When we ask Annie Clare if she wants a baby cousin she gets so excited!! She has such a tender heart for a 22 month old!! She and I have had lots of conversations about me having babies and her sweet spirit always calms my soul and brings me so much joy! She has been the best thing that’s ever happened to our family at the most perfect time!!
One of my best friends shared her devotional with me a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling overwhelmed, and it really spoke to me. I went out and got the book. It’s called, New Morning Mercies, written by Paul David Tripp. If you have been searching, go get it! I will probably be sharing a lot from it! Yesterday’s header said this,
“For the believer, obedience is not a pain but a joy. Each act of obedience celebrates the grace that motivates and empowers it.”
It went on to say, ” It is even more a miracle that we can find joy in obeying someone whom we cannot see, hear, or touch. It is a wonder of transforming grace that the heart of a self-focused human being can abandon the pursuit of his own little kingdom and give itself to serve the purposes of the kingdom of another. Any time we desire, in word, thought, or action, to do what pleases God, we are being rescued, transformed, and empowered by His grace.”
I find joy in all of my sweet babies because they are gifts from the Lord!
When we obey Him, we find joy and we also find strength. Nehemiah 8:10 says, “…Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” God doesn’t want us to dwell on our shortcomings, our faults, our sinful nature that creeps up every day, He wants us to obey and turn it all over to Him. He wants us to experience His joy now, not tomorrow, not when the struggle (whatever it may be) is over. We can experience joy NOW! He wants Nicholas and me to find joy in our infertility journey and that’s exactly what we are going to do!
So, you wonder how I keep my head up and keep trucking through this grueling process. It’s simple, the joy of the Lord is my strength!!
We also find joy in knowing that, “He makes all things beautiful in His time.” Ecclesiastes 3:11. Not our time, His time!!
Thanks for reading! I’m not a writer, but it comes from my heart!
We try to take a selfie every time we go for a doctor’s appointment. No matter what the circumstance. I have shared some through fb and instagram, but want to share some here with the story behind them. This one is from October 20, 2015. It was the day of the dreaded HSG test. I couldn’t even eat my lunch that day because all I could think about was 6 1/2 years earlier when I was traumatized by it. When I asked if Nicholas could go back with me they originally told me no, but after my tears started flowing and they heard my story, they allowed him to join me. The test was successful and quick. It showed that my left tube was somewhat patent. That is why we chose to do IUI first. God has always been in control. We always believed that God was using those 6 1/2 years to heal that tube and to prepare our hearts!!