I was going to start out by apologizing for the incredibly long silence, but I was told to never apologize for that! I’ve always said I would update when my heart was ready! Well, I think I’m finally ready! So here it goes…
I am so thankful that my God is a merciful and gracious God, because I have been overwhelmingly anxious at times over the last couple of months. I’m going to share a VERY personal bit from my journal. “On a day that I should be gleaming, and excited, I am scared and in tears. I have prayed every single day that God would grow and protect the precious embryo that was implanted into my body, give me subtle signs that he or she is there. Yet here I am, the day is here, and doubt and fear keep creeping in. I fear disappointment. I fear heartache. I don’t want to feel this way, but I do.”
We never saw or heard a heartbeat with our first pregnancy. We were devastated. I felt like I temporarily lost mine. My heart is now beating again!! That journal excerpt is from December 7th, the day of my first ultrasound at 6 weeks. The day we saw our babies heartbeat for the first time! It was a couple of weeks after having three positive home tests, and three great lab results!! I just couldn’t believe it till I saw that little heart beating! We actually got to hear it on December 14th (7 weeks) and what a blessing that was! Our first round of IVF worked!! Our prayers have been answered, and we couldn’t be happier! To say, “it was worth it,” just isn’t right to me, because it would have all been worth it no matter what!! Our Heavenly Father is writing our story and every moment is part of His perfect plan!
This is by no means your typical pregnancy announcement, but what about this past year (or our lives in general) has been typical for us? If it were a normal situation, would we be telling people this early? Probably not, but you have all become part of our journey! You have prayed this sweet baby into the world, and we know you will all pray that our sweet little one will continue to grow big and strong!
Talk about not being normal, Nicholas was in California for our first ultrasound so my mom and dad went with me! Was I sad, a little bit, but it is what it is and we totally accept it! My parents have been by our sides every single step of the way! Nicholas was also out of town the day I went for my first lab draw. I was a nervous mess that day even though I had had three positive tests at home! My mom went with me bright and early to the lab, and they both stayed with me ALL day!! To say our families are excited is an understatement! Suzy got to go with me to my 8 week ultrasound this past Wednesday! I was sooooo excited that she was in town to go! Nicholas was supposed to join us, but he woke up that morning with a fever and flu symptoms, so off to the doctor he went!! Thankful he was here for our our 7 week appt, and we got to hear that precious heartbeat for the first time together! Now we can plan doctor’s appointments around his traveling schedule.
I feel like infertility has defined me this past year. My job, my relationships, my life has literally revolved around doctors appointments and medications! I am looking forward to getting back to a more normal work routine, spending more time with family and friends, and continuing to take care of myself, my husband, and our most precious gift! I have to admit, it is going to be somewhat of an adjustment, but I’m looking forward to it.
I also feel like the weight of this year is going to come down on me at any moment. I have experienced so many different emotions in the last couple of months, but I haven’t cried very many tears. I’ve had an incredible peace. For some reason, I feel like a flood is coming! Thankfully I tend to forget how hard the year has been, but when I sit down and reflect it all feels so heavy! When you are going through fertility treatments, things tend to happen quickly. You experience a million different emotions all at the same time. Sometimes, you are too overwhelmed to feel. When things slow down and you look back, you realize what you’ve been through. It’s a lot!
I am incredibly thankful for every step of our journey so far. We are thankful for all of you who have walked it with us. It’s definitely not over yet!! It’s only just beginning!! I am wondering when it will feel real. When will I stop being anxious before every ultrasound appointment?
Overall, I have felt pretty good. I am still taking hormones on top of what my body is producing. I feel like it has been a double whammy. I started weaning them on Wednesday, and my last day to take them will be Sunday! Merry Christmas to me!! The worst part for me is that eating is a serious chore!! I LOVE to eat!! It’s just not fun right now! Other than that and the exhaustion, I feel okay!!
I wanted to share our exciting news for a couple of reasons! I know some of you were very anxious to know! The most important reason, is this…I know you all will continue to pray for our family! Please pray sweet baby Parden continues to grow big and strong! We pray first and foremost for a healthy baby! Also, pray that my anxiety will continue to get better! Oh yea, and one more thing. Please, Please pray that the perfect buyer would come along and buy our house!! Now that we have a baby on the way, the pressure is on!!
We are blessed! The holidays have been a little extra special this year, and man are we looking forward to 2017!! We realize it’s early, but the gigantic mountain we have been facing for so long, has now been moved! (Mark 11:23)
Our greatest gift of all isn’t wrapped beneath our tree, but cuddled up snug and warm exactly where he/she should be!!
Let’s remember the true meaning of Christmas! Our greatest gift of all was never wrapped beneath a tree! He was lying in a manger! God sent His precious Son to earth to be the light in a very dark world!! Jesus was perfect, yet He gracefully endured the worst that human life here on earth has to offer, so that we may live!! What a precious gift!!
From our growing family to yours, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!